Sometimes, dear reader, I wonder how I got so lucky, so blessed, so steeped in love!! I recognize that some decisions in our lives are way better than others. One of the best decisions in my life was to marry Mr Gorgeous. If you’ve been a reader of any length here on the blog, you know I cherish my husband, and I’ll tell of his great deeds for as long as I have breath.
I’ll also tell you that Mr Gorgeous is not that perfect Superman hero that all romance novels portray (even Christian romance novels…eeeep!). Moreover, I’m not that perfect Lois Lane who always has it all together. We are a constantly flawed, broken couple who has to work their bum off to keep it all together.
But there is something that we have that is anointed by God. There was a spark when we first started dating, something supernatural that we couldn’t really pinpoint. The word “soulmate” is debated around my house as my kids grow up and get married. I think it all has to do with walking in the path that is ordered by God. Things fall into place, they feel natural, and you just know you are in that pocket of favor. But there is that place where God works good out of bad choices, too!! It’s a constant debate!
We go through valleys and rough spots when we are tired, weary, aching, anxious, purposeless. All relationships are hard when we are hurting or things are in flux. But Mr Gorgeous and I have several keystones that we’ve learned over the 27 years and 11 months of marriage. I’m praying for you, dear reader, that they inspire you in your marriage or your close relationships!!
Always, always, always edify your partner!!
We’ve had this rule since the very beginning of our marriage, and it has served us well!! He needs to know that I’m always for HIM!!! Remember, I grew up in the age when Rosanne and Married with Children were popular shows on TV and they were built around tearing down each other…in public!! We can’t do it…in public or private. Your partner will always find out if you’ve talked negatively about him or her. Always! He/She will always find out if you’ve talked positively, too!!
Never assume what your partner is thinking!!
I can tell when Mr Gorgeous is completely stressed out! He gets quiet and doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to things I’m saying. Even though he can always repeat what I’ve just said verbatim! LOL!! Our logical path of thinking would be to the extreme. I don’t know why, but I just go there…”Oh, he is mad at me for not doing laundry.” “Oh, he hates the way I look.” “Oh no, I said something to offend him!” Usually, he’s got a big project deadline on the horizon and his employees are not holding up their end of the deal!!
There’s a huge fix for this: Talk. That’s it; just communicate! We set up a whole room in our home in October called the “Conversation Room.” We love our new space and get together frequently to just chat. Because we’ve fostered a line of communication, he is free to say, “Man, work is driving me crazy!” or “Here’s what I want to be when I grow up.”
We also know that if there is an offense going on, we can talk about it. So I trust him to tell me if me not doing laundry is weighing on him. (Side note: he does the washing and I do the folding! See? Symbiotic!!) And I can tell him that I need him to talk more! But once I tell him what’s on my mind, I need to let him chew on it and vice versa!
Ask “Do you need a fix? or do you just want me to hold you?”
This is mainly for him to ask me!! ahahahhahha!! Sometimes we women just want to vent!! We don’t want a solution. We know there may not be a solution. But we for sure need lots of hugs and holding!! 😉 This has been a lifesaver in our marriage. It took us a while for us to verbalize this, but once we did, it has benefitted many a conversation!!
One of my many impetuses is to figure out how to live while things are good and prepare for when things may be more of a struggle. What questions are we asking each other that lift each other up? What paths are we taking that nourish our relationships? These three ways to win at marriage have been extremely successful in my marriage.
What other marital struggles do you cope with? Where are the pressure points in your relationships? How can we ‘divorce-proof’ our relationships? In such a broken world, it’s quite the rocky terrain we are treading. But know that Mr Gorgeous and I are for you, and God is for you, too!!!
I’m praying for your relationships today! And I’m praying for Mr Gorgeous! It was his birthday yesterday, but we’re celebrating all weekend! Happy birthday, Donnie!! 😍😘❤️
Blessings,
